Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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