Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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