u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
