i just sent this text using only my big toe
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
