who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
