Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
