Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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