I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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