She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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