I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
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I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
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I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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