I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
