you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Blood and glitter go together right?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
