Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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