So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize