Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
