Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
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