Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
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