so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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