why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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