I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
