My sheets look like a crime scene.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
