best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
