After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
