I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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