I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
