i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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