he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
