I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
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Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
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I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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