I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
