I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
