john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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