the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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