I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
