I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
