just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize
