i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
