he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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