i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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