i would punch a child for taco bell
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize