so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize