It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
