bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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