I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
