If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Come see our sink grown plant.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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