I seem to have left my pride at pride
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
There's even glitter on my cock...
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