Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
