He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
