Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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