Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
