apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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