he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
