if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
