So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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