I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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