Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
