I want to walk on stilts...naked
she looked like the before picture.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
