She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
