I wanna bring you to show and tell
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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