Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
