wrigley field is MILF paradise
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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